I'm not really sure what this phrase was meant to refer to, but I'm pretty sure that after tonight I know what it means to me. Tonight I was sick. I should back up.
Today was a crazy, busy, full day. By the time supper time was looming the boys and I had been inside together all day and they were itching to go somewhere "fun". I called up my Aunt and she welcomed us to come and visit at her house. The boys love this. She has a castle toy that is legendary. They are obsessed with it.
So we packed up and were on our way. We only made it part way when all of a sudden the low grade nausea that is my constant companion these days turned into raging nausea and massive pain. I pulled over and ended up throwing up on the side of the road. I am pretty sure I was in my own version of hell at that moment. Side of the road, in the dark, my babies in the van, throwing up. Then having to drag myself back to my van to get them home when the pain was threatening to split me in half. Not fun.
To make matters worse, when my babies realized I was going to have to break our plans and retreat back home they were, understandably, very upset. I felt like mother of the year for sure :-(
A few hours and some pain medication and nausea medication later I'm feeling at least human enough to be able to function. The kids are asleep and I'm here left with my thoughts. This being the only adult at home thing is rough. I feel like I'm not enough for everyone. I'm abusing my body by taxing it right the hell out with no sleep, lots of stress, and not the amount of good food it really would like.
Tomorrow is a new day. A day where hopefully I will not feel like I did tonight. I will pray and hope and sleep.